My husband treats me like crap

Dear Pastor,

This is the second time I am writing to you. You gave me good advice the first time. Everything went very well.

I was single then, but now I am married and living with my husband. We have two children together. Sometimes I regret marrying this man. He does not treat me well, and he is always complaining and comparing me with his former girlfriends.

Recently, I told him that I am tired of his foolishness and I am ready to leave him. My father told me I should come home, but I should not leave the children. My husband told me I can take the children because he can find another girl. If this man gives me money, I always have to give a report about how I spent it. I told him that he is a maama man, because that is how one behaves. I have to be asking him for money constantly because our children need things, and he wants me to take them to the doctor and spend every cent I have on them.

I believe that my husband is giving one of his former girlfriends money. One day when I mentioned that to him, he told me that it was his money and he can do whatever he wants with it. If I buy one chicken, he wants it to serve us four times, so I have to learn to stretch the money by buying chicken back and foot. I am tired of the abuse from this man. My husband insists that I should pay half the rent. I am not against doing so, but I told him that apart from having the two children with him, he is nothing to me. He said he would soon breed me again. I will not allow him to do that.

My father wants me to leave my husband. There is an empty room at my parents' house because my brother who was living there has migrated. But I do not like to think of going back home as a married woman with two children. My father liked this man when he first met him, but now he will not talk to him because of how he treats me. He has stopped attending church because I complained to our pastor about his behaviour and the pastor spoke to him. Now he is accusing the pastor of having an affair with me. He has a dirty mind.

We are paying $60,000 for rent, and many times after giving him half of the rent, I cannot buy anything for myself. I have to be scratching to come up with money. Please give me your advice.

T.N.

Dear T.N.,

Your husband does not have any respect for you, and that is one of the reasons he is not treating you right.

When a man loves a woman and respects her, he does not want to do anything to make her feel unhappy. Your husband knows that you are not happy, but that does not bother him. You told him that you will leave him, and he told you to take the children when you are going. That could mean that he is looking forward to seeing you go. You have married a mean man. An intelligent man would encourage you to save instead of forcing you to spend so much of your earnings to maintain the house.

You are fortunate to have parents who would be happy to have you return home. At least you have somewhere comfortable to go if you believe that you ought to leave this man. You say it might be embarrassing for you to go back home. But your parents understand, and they would rather welcome you home than to see you suffer and be unhappy with a man who does not take care of you.

Pastor